unsettling
Lately I’ve been feeling very much like an outcast. I’m currently getting out of my relationship with someone whom has loved me since the day he laid eyes on me. The problem you ask is my expectations and wants out of a future. I realize I’m not perfect nor is he but all i wanted was for him to take my advice to make his life and mine a little easier. What am I to do? I’m in a fight between love or stability.
So I say outcast because many people my age are settling down and I’m still finding myself. =/ I enjoy going out once in a while dancing the night away with friends and drinking wine either out n about or at home. I’m turning 26 next week and it’s a disturbing feeling 4 years from now I’ll be 30. I’m still feeling lost as to what it is I want out of life. Do I want to get married? Do I want to be in a relationship? Will I be happy once I finish with school? Will I ever find that someone to settle down with and start a family? Will I ever be content? It scares me. I’ve never really had a settled home and thats what I’ve always strived for. It seems that every time I get in a relationship I can’t be content. I always want more. the feeling of possibility kills me I think. I could be living in a city. I could be traveling. But at the same time I want that feeling of having a comforting home to come home to after being a away for a while or even coming home from work. My father died when I was 8 so I’ve always had an unsettling feeling when a place is “called home.” Now you can understand my dilemma. I can’t decide whether I want to settle or to go go go to find myself. Haven’t quite figured it out yet but I know someday I will…
